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Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Rut?

Last week was a tense one around the house. Tim had serious work deadlines, I was stressed, and we were trying to get things taken care of before we left for our visit with the kids. I irritated Tim by asking him if he was happy with our life. He hasn't seemed very happy lately, and I was concerned that we were getting into a rut. He is so quiet and doesn't talk about things, so it is very hard to tell what is going on with him. He will just get increasingly more quiet and distant without anyone really knowing what is going on. So... we had a talk about it and he finally told me some of the things that he was thinking. We both have been stressed out about family stuff that is outside of our control and brings a lot of drama into our lives. We decided that we could both do a better job of leaving it alone and trying to always shift the focus back to our relationship and/or what we can do about our own lives. I was very happy with that even though it still stresses me out how to balance that when it is my family that is causing the main dramas in our lives.

Anyway, it was really nice to get away for a weekend and we got a chance to spend a lot of time with the kids in Walla Walla. It was a non-stop flurry of activity, but it was okay. I think that it gave Tim and I a chance to reconnect in the car and relax a little.

I have been thinking a lot about how we got so caught up in all of the other stuff and have ignored "us." I want to avoid that in the future because it is so much easier to be proactive than to try to pull out of a rut. For almost a year, we've been so focused on trying to maintain our family, it has been crazy. First we'd been dealing with the issues between the girls, and that had taken up most of our time/energy for months and months, and then all of a sudden, that changed and the vacuum really shifted and pulled in another drama. Emily moved and more drama took her place. We've been drained and de-energized and haven't been focusing on having any fun or taking any time for ourselves. The last time we did anything together alone was really around our anniversary in January. That is scary! We did get away in May (for Casey's wedding), so that was nice too. But it is sad that I can only count those two times!

We are at a point in our lives where we should be focusing on us and being happy about the fact that the kids aren't needing constant attention. We can do things together without much hassle and we just have neglected those opportunities.

We are going to take a dance class on Saturday, but that got me thinking that we should do more things together. We need to have more shared experiences (other than re-hashing the trials and tribulations of the day's events). I would love to take another class (like the photography one) or enroll in a workshop of some sort. Take more trips to museums and art galleries. Take more day trips on weekends instead of always focusing on housework and home improvement projects. Refresh and re-energize our points of view and bring new things into the relationship.

I want to try to focus on positive things and leave the negative energy to find its own rut.

Any ideas on other relationship boosters?

1 comment:

miyon said...

Tim sounds just like my hubby, in respect to the fact that he becomes distant instead of expressing his feelings verbally.

I think it's awesome that you two are taking dance lessons. I've actually fantasized about me and hubs taking dancing lessons but I know I'd never talk him into it. :P