Lately, I've been thinking a lot about my job. It is not a very exciting or glamorous job, and if I wasn't married, I wouldn't be able to afford to work here. Someone asked me not that long ago why I am still in the job. I didn't know what to say. That sort of freaked me out. I guess the economy is one answer. Although it seems like there are a lot of job openings out there... I suppose there are more people competing for them. A lot of my friends are worrying about their jobs or having a hard time finding jobs. It is frustrating and scary. But I think fear of rejection is another reason I stay put. And they also try to brainwash us into feeling "lucky" that we have a job here. And then there is the whole comfort factor. You get used to one thing and a set of people, and then it is hard to just pick up and find something different. The devil you know may be better than the devil you don't know.
For the past two nights, I've had work-related dreams. The night before last, I had some nebulous dream about going back to work for Stella. I don't really remember the details now, but it is sort of a recurring theme. Then last night, I had a long complicated dream about going in to Tim's job and attending a meeting. I was supposed to be there on behalf of one of their customers, but I really didn't know what the heck the project was or any of the details about it. The bigwig was supposed to be asking me about the details, but he didn't really know enough to ask. He wanted me to talk about it, but I sat there, clutching the file to my chest, and not saying anything. I just waited for him to ask specific questions. Tim had to pretend like he didn't know who I was. Don was there too, and he acted the same. The bigwig finally gave up because I didn't say anything. He said we should take a break and then come back. So I was going to do a quick study on the facts before going back in. Then I went into another room and people were setting up for a vendor fair. They were displaying all kinds of odds and ends stuff. Tim decided he was going to pick up some things for the kids, so he was shopping. There were little weird cans of Mt. Dew and a dispenser for them. There was a big crowd of people and a guy kept standing in my space and wouldn't move. He had to be touching me all of the time. It made me really uncomfortable, and then I woke up.
We will see what next week brings. It would be nice to have a dream job and to be happy and feel fulfilled with what you do for 40+ hours a week every week of your life.