Wednesday, August 24, 2011

Take a Walk - Write on Wednesday

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 11 - Take a Walk"Come back home and write what you encountered. Try to write so that your sentences feel the way the walking felt." Let's toss the 5 minute sprint aside this week and instead take a lingering stroll through our exercise. Participants are encouraged to write a first draft (the point being to get it out on the page), then to go through and edit their piece before posting. We're aiming to get from one place to another, taking the reader with us - economically, gracefully, elegantly. If you want to play along, checkout inkpaperpen at the link above.

So I didn't really get to do much in the way of revising/second draft work because I am on Day 4 of a headache, but I wanted to get something out.  I muddled through, and it feels as thick as my head.  LOL.  


The sun drifted above the horizon line, dragging pink entrails behind it across the black-blue morning sky.  The subway ride had allowed Olivia a slice of much-welcomed quiet time.  Since she was on the F train going against the flow of commuter traffic, she had an entire car to herself.  It would be a few hours at least before families lugging beach gear and picnic baskets would be making the trek in her direction.  She watched the alphabet pass as Brooklyn stations until she reached the end of the line. 

At the last stop, she crossed the street and walked the long block to the boardwalk.  The sun seemed to free itself from the clouds and was easing into the sky.  Aside from a thin man in a dirty blue track suit who was checking the garbage for recyclables, and an occasional jogger, Olivia was surprised to discover that the strip was mostly deserted.  She had intended to use the boardwalk for her morning run, but then changed her mind and decided to walk it instead; she wanted to soak in her surroundings.  It wasn't every day she got a chance to experience Coney Island while it was still asleep.

The shack known as Beer Island had its wooden windows pulled down and locked tight over an impressive array of bottles and neon signs that were normally on display.  The green and white striped awning at Nathan's on the boardwalk slapped softly in the breeze, but there wasn't any movement inside.  The deep silver bowls of the cotton candy machines were at rest.  The Cyclone sat stoically as a backdrop for a section of amusement park rides, but all was quiet: the mermaid boats rested on their watery tracks and the swings hung nearly still.  

She made her way down the length of a pier taking slow, loose steps.  The chill in the salty air brushed moist against her skin and reminded her that Fall was just around the corner.  She leaned against the wooden railing at the end of the dock and looked at the water below.  A small fish nipped at a bug on the smooth surface of the water and caused a series of concentric circles to roll outward.  She watched until the last ring seemed to disappear and wondered how long it would take the ripples in her life to flatten or how long she could keep hiding from them.


Daniel Meyer said...

Was the boardwalk abandoned because of a hurricane or storm of some sort? You wrote this in a very intriguing manner. I have so many questions but I'm guessing there will be a continuation to this? If not let me know so I can know the whole story lol. Sorry I'm so inquisitive!

Zanni said...

I didn't think it was muddled! So many great images. Hope your headache goes away :) Zanni

Jayne said...

So descriptive - I was right there! Deserted boardwalk, the end of summer and the tourist season, painted vividly.

Hope you feel better soon!

Jodie Ansted said...

Ah, gotta love a good boardwalk...location, location, location!

I thought it was great, and I could feel the weather as you described it - the onset of Fall....

I'd love to read more of this story. :)

Andy @ Words and Pen said...

hmm? I can now imagine how an early morning at your place feels like as it rise to welcome a new day. I also love how you describe the movement of the small fish that cause circles on the water, clearly expressed. However, the story is hanging. I think I'm gonna go back to read more of its continuation.=)