Write On Wednesdays Exercise 20 - Write the words " I thought I saw" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.
If you want to play along, visit Write on Wednesdays.
So here is my take on it... (part of the ongoing story I'm playing with)
A short pudgy man in a plaid jacket
was having a disagreement with a tall thin man in wire-rimmed glasses and a
tweed sport coat. The crowd seemed to
have split around them, as if the men were forming a dividing line of
sorts. The circle of people had grown
since she'd last looked out the window.
She still couldn't see any of the signs because no one was holding them
up. All of the spectators were standing
solidly, signs resting in front of them, facing the two men in the center of
the circle. Grey drizzle seeped from the
clouds and misted everyone, but it didn’t seem to impact the crowd in the
least.
Pudgy man's comb-over was blowing
in the afternoon's wind. It raised like
a giant one-piece hair flap and would settle down once the gust had passed. Wire-rim kept pushing his glasses up on the
bridge of his nose with his middle finger.
Olivia wondered if the fact he was getting the finger was an irritation
to Pudgy or if he even noticed.
Pudgy's face seemed to be turning
red. Olivia couldn't tell if it was from
being outside in the cold or from his internal combustion chamber of
anger. He pointed and gestured, his
mouth opening and closing like a gasping fish.
In normal circumstances, she might have smiled at the image or possibly
even made a mental note about him to share with Matthew as an amusing
anecdote. But not today.
13 comments:
I loved the humor in this piece. Pudgy man is a great name for a character, and the line about his comb over in the wind made me laugh out loud. Nice job!
Love the description and the way you used it for humour. I've always liked using certain characteristics to define a character in a certain scene.
The comb over line was my favorite as well.
Well done.
I laughed when I read the line about the pudgy man getting the finger constantly. I think that's my favourite line. Great mix of humour and tension in just three paragraphs.
Now, why did Olivia not smile at the scene today? What's going on inside her head? And what's the disagreement about? And why is everyone carrying signs? Are they in the middle of the protest? Good job keeping this reder hooked!
/ Rain
Loved the description of the comb over - my Grandpa used to have a comb over like that... I look forward to reading more :)
Why not today .... ?
I really felt the wind and the cold and I felt Olivia's curiosity.
Also loved the description of the comb over!
Really enjoyed your descriptions of these two characters! Nice job!
I really loved reading this! The descriptive words you used to determine his anger was brilliant!
You left me wanting more! I wanted to know what all was going on out there. I look forward to the continuation of this story!
Hmmm. yes, why not today I want to know!
Love the description of the pudgy man and the comb over!
I loved your descriptions of pudgy man and wire-rimmed. Reference to 'the finger' is clever. Giggle!
I don't know if I got the wrong vibe here, but I had a vision of two angry Dads at each other's throats at a kid's sports match, hahaha. Although it'd have to be a serious game for there to be signs there!
Great to see you working on an ongoing story. I love the name, Pudgy, for a character. I think it tells us something about the person behind the character. I also really liked the image of Pudgy's comb over blowing in the wind. I'd suggest taking out the word "man" in this sentence...Using Pudgy's comb over would flow better, I think?
Thanks for joining in!
What fantastic character sketches! I too loved the flapping comb-over, and getting the finger, nerd-style. I also really enjoyed the description of the crowd... a really full image in all.
The only thing I couldn't see was where the narrator is, which formed part of the intrigue! What window is she looking out of? An office building? A car, or taxi or bus?
Why not today? mmmm... Oh, Pudgy - do visit us again. ;)
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