Sunday, October 23, 2011

Write on Wednesday (on Sunday)

I missed last week's Write on Wednesday prompt, but I just checked the site and found this week's up and ready to go, so I jumped on it while I had a chance.

Write On Wednesdays Exercise 20 Write the words " I thought I saw" at the top of your page. Set a timer for 5 minutes. Write the first words that come into your head after the prompt. Don't take you pen off the page (or fingers off the keyboard). Stop only when the buzzer rings! Do this exercise over and over if you wish. Write beyond 5 minutes if you like, you can link it up as an extra post.  

If you want to play along, visit Write on Wednesdays

So here is my take on it... (part of the ongoing story I'm playing with)

A short pudgy man in a plaid jacket was having a disagreement with a tall thin man in wire-rimmed glasses and a tweed sport coat.  The crowd seemed to have split around them, as if the men were forming a dividing line of sorts.  The circle of people had grown since she'd last looked out the window.  She still couldn't see any of the signs because no one was holding them up.  All of the spectators were standing solidly, signs resting in front of them, facing the two men in the center of the circle.  Grey drizzle seeped from the clouds and misted everyone, but it didn’t seem to impact the crowd in the least. 

Pudgy man's comb-over was blowing in the afternoon's wind.  It raised like a giant one-piece hair flap and would settle down once the gust had passed.  Wire-rim kept pushing his glasses up on the bridge of his nose with his middle finger.  Olivia wondered if the fact he was getting the finger was an irritation to Pudgy or if he even noticed. 

Pudgy's face seemed to be turning red.  Olivia couldn't tell if it was from being outside in the cold or from his internal combustion chamber of anger.  He pointed and gestured, his mouth opening and closing like a gasping fish.  In normal circumstances, she might have smiled at the image or possibly even made a mental note about him to share with Matthew as an amusing anecdote.  But not today.


claire said...

I loved the humor in this piece. Pudgy man is a great name for a character, and the line about his comb over in the wind made me laugh out loud. Nice job!

TV said...

Love the description and the way you used it for humour. I've always liked using certain characteristics to define a character in a certain scene.
The comb over line was my favorite as well.
Well done.

Rain said...

I laughed when I read the line about the pudgy man getting the finger constantly. I think that's my favourite line. Great mix of humour and tension in just three paragraphs.

Now, why did Olivia not smile at the scene today? What's going on inside her head? And what's the disagreement about? And why is everyone carrying signs? Are they in the middle of the protest? Good job keeping this reder hooked!

/ Rain

Melissa said...

Loved the description of the comb over - my Grandpa used to have a comb over like that... I look forward to reading more :)

Sarah Mac said...

Why not today .... ?

I really felt the wind and the cold and I felt Olivia's curiosity.

Also loved the description of the comb over!

Lillie McFerrin said...

Really enjoyed your descriptions of these two characters! Nice job!

Stephanie said...

I really loved reading this! The descriptive words you used to determine his anger was brilliant!

Daniel Meyer said...

You left me wanting more! I wanted to know what all was going on out there. I look forward to the continuation of this story!

Naomi said...

Hmmm. yes, why not today I want to know!

Love the description of the pudgy man and the comb over!

Lisa said...

I loved your descriptions of pudgy man and wire-rimmed. Reference to 'the finger' is clever. Giggle!

Janelle said...

I don't know if I got the wrong vibe here, but I had a vision of two angry Dads at each other's throats at a kid's sports match, hahaha. Although it'd have to be a serious game for there to be signs there!

InkPaperPen said...

Great to see you working on an ongoing story. I love the name, Pudgy, for a character. I think it tells us something about the person behind the character. I also really liked the image of Pudgy's comb over blowing in the wind. I'd suggest taking out the word "man" in this sentence...Using Pudgy's comb over would flow better, I think?

Thanks for joining in!

Melinda Chapman said...

What fantastic character sketches! I too loved the flapping comb-over, and getting the finger, nerd-style. I also really enjoyed the description of the crowd... a really full image in all.

The only thing I couldn't see was where the narrator is, which formed part of the intrigue! What window is she looking out of? An office building? A car, or taxi or bus?
Why not today? mmmm... Oh, Pudgy - do visit us again. ;)